What Is The Key To Waking Up?

Dear Friend,

Last week, I shared with you why it is so important for us to “wake up.”

Even though the world can be an incredibly divisive place, our true nature isn’t divided at all. It is open, loving, and compassionate for all beings. 

But how do we awaken to that nature? How can we live in a more compassionate way while staying true to ourselves?

Well, that’s a big topic, but let’s dive in a little.

In my view, awakening to our enlightened self starts with one thing: awareness.

Most of us wallow in suffering because we aren’t aware of what’s causing that suffering. Or, we act in ways that we aren’t proud of, but we don’t know what feelings, thoughts, and emotions cause us to act that way.

Because we don’t take the time to reflect upon or understand these feelings, thoughts, and emotions, it’s very easy to live in a reactive state that perpetuates suffering. We get caught up in this suffering and take so much longer to move forward with our lives.

Trust me, I’ve been there (and I’ll share some personal examples in a minute).

In order to combat that reactive state, I’ll introduce you to a Buddhist teaching that I learned at a silent meditation retreat I attended a few months ago. A teaching so powerful that you’ll not only better understand these feelings, thoughts, and emotions that come up, but you’ll be able to work through them with ease. 

Even if you couldn’t care less about Buddhism, I encourage you to give these practices a shot. You’ll be amazed at how much calmer you’ll feel and how your world can change if you incorporate them into your life.

But first, a story.

I am not anger, but anger was me

Anger is a pattern I observed during childhood. 

I was a naturally quiet kid. I had a lot of creative energy inside and a very active imagination, but I often shied away from telling people what I really wanted. 

Even now, my soft-spoken nature causes friends to ask me to repeat something I’ve said.

Only now, the difference is that I don’t shy away from repeating myself or asking for what I want.

But back then, I learned my soft-spoken nature wasn’t a good thing. 

There’d be many times (particularly when talking to my dad) that I’d ask a question or mention something and I’d receive a loud “What did you say?” or “Speak up!” in return. 

This reaction (and others I received when I didn’t do something right) imprinted the idea that I needed to get defensive or angry when I wasn’t happy.

Perhaps my Catholic upbringing embedded in me the idea that I was always a sinner, unworthy, and was doing something wrong. I’d feel terrible, of course, when I did something bad. But there were also many times where I’d get defensive or blame others for their own mistakes to cover up my hurt.

As I grew older, I’d lash out in ways I’d seen growing up. When I felt criticized, I’d immediately turn around and raise my tone while dishing out criticism for the other person. 

If a friend of mine judged me for being late to dinner one time, I’d be sure to point out when they were late the next time. In one of my most significant friendships, we’d always criticize each other for being late. 

It was like we were having a competition to see who was latest the most and who was better at showing up for events on time.

At some point, I realized that this lashing out in anger and criticizing others was damaging my relationships.

I also saw how there were much more mature ways to express my feelings.

This awareness increased tenfold when I embraced these Buddhist teachings I hinted at earlier.

Let’s dive into them.

A 4-step path to awareness

Mindfulness is a big buzzword in today’s culture.

Seemingly, every person and institution is embracing mindfulness these days.

But where does mindfulness practice actually originate?

Most people associate mindfulness with meditation, and while meditation is part of many religions, it is one of the lasting Buddhist practices. 

At the heart of developing mindfulness are the teachings of the Satipatthana-sutta or the “setting up of mindfulness.” 

The 4 sections of the satipatthanas are:

1. Mindfulness of the body (kaya)

2. Mindfulness of feelings and sensations (vedana)

3. Mindfulness of the mind (citta)

4. Mindfulness of moral and intellectual subjects (dhamma)

If you’ve ever practiced insight or vipassana meditation, that type of meditation is based on these teachings.

For anyone who wants to cultivate an awareness of their feelings, thoughts, and emotions, vipassana meditation is a great place to start. 

But how do we incorporate the teachings of the satipatthanas into our everyday life?

The real meaning of meditation

Even though I’d been consistently meditating for 5 months, and off-and-on for years prior to attending a silent meditation retreat in August, I never really understood exactly why I was meditating.

Like most of us, I thought I was meditating to become calmer. I thought meditation would help me ease my anxiety and reduce stress.

While meditation has been scientifically proven to do these very things (plus increase clarity, focus, and compassion), I’ve come to understand the real purpose of meditation is simply to facilitate awareness.

I now recognize how I lash out in anger or why I feel like criticizing my friend when she is late because of how certain feelings and thoughts arise in my body. 

By first observing these thoughts in meditation, and remaining mindful of bodily sensations, thoughts, and feelings as I move throughout the day, I’m much more capable of deciding how I want to react and respond to these thoughts.

With this awareness, I can choose whether to yell at someone for being late, curse at a driver for not stopping at a stop sign as I’m crossing the street, or instead embrace people with compassion.

Creating mindfulness in everyday life

Alright, you’re pretty convinced that meditation can help you facilitate awareness in everyday life.

But how do you start? And how can the 4 satipatthanas transform your life?

For most people, I recommend a simple approach.

If you want to establish a meditation practice, start with the basics.

1. Time: Dedicate at least 5 minutes, ideally 10, to your meditation practice. Ideally, this would be at the same time each day. You can add more time as you build your practice.

2. Place: Find a comfortable but dignified seated position. This should also be in a place where you can meditate consistently and not be disturbed.

3. Focus: You can use an app, but you don’t have to. The key is to focus on your breathing. My meditation retreat teacher, Nikki Mirghafori, stated it simply, “Relax and receive the sensations of the body breathing.” You don’t have to “think” to breathe. Just let it happen naturally.

4. Stuff: As you meditate, you’ll notice lots of “stuff” that comes up. It’s this “stuff” that the Satipatthana-sutta talks about. While you try to focus on the sensations of the breath, you’ll also notice thoughts and other bodily sensations emerge. You might need to scratch an itch on your arm. Thoughts about work or what you’ll want to make for dinner will arise.

5. Noticing: The whole point of meditation is to observe the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that emerge. Notice when they come and go. And once you notice, relax and return to the breath. 

If I’ve made meditation sound overly simplistic, I don’t mean to.

When you meditate with regularity, you’ll notice that you are not the thoughts, feelings, and sensations that come up. You’ll see that these thoughts, feelings, and sensations are just that:

Thoughts. Feelings. Sensations.

If it’s too much to focus on all 3 of these things at once, just go back to the order of the satipatthanas. Start with the body and see what you notice there. Just focus on the breath and any aches and pains you feel. 

Recognize them, allow them to be there, then watch as the sensations shift.

Then, you can open up the aperture to the thoughts and feelings in your mind. 

The Buddha mentions in the Satipatthana-sutta that to set up mindfulness, we should contemplate the body both internally and externally. 

When you notice your breath and bodily sensations while meditating, you are contemplating the body internally. 

When you notice how others move and you adjust your own movements, ‌such as slowing down and walking in a peaceful manner when you see others walking slowly, this is contemplating the body externally. 

When you contemplate the body both internally and externally, you see that each bodily movement, whether it’s you moving or someone else moving, is just an objective experience. 

It is just an experience in nature, which is what awareness looks like.

Awareness is the key to awakening

There are plenty of other methods that foster awareness (such as self-inquiry). We’ll dive into those in future editions of this newsletter.

But embracing meditation has been the single greatest method that has made me aware of all the ways I was living a more reactive, less compassionate life.

Instead of listening to my body and mind and deciding how I wanted to act with that knowledge, I’d just let my mind run on autopilot, and my body would follow along for the ride. 

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather bring more love into the world than take it away.

If you don’t have a meditation habit already, that’s a great place to begin. 

Notice the sensation of the body breathing. Observe other sensations in the body. 

Slowly, you’ll add the observation of feelings, thoughts, and moral subjects. 

As you go about each day, you’ll be amazed at how you notice the arising and passing of these thoughts, feelings, and sensations that you may not have realized before. And you’ll get to decide how you react to them.

This is how we start Waking Up. 

By facilitating awareness within. 

Much love,

Spenser

P.S. I’d love to know more about you, my dear reader. Let me know what you’re struggling with in life or what you hope to get out of reading this newsletter by taking a short survey (I know, surveys suck, but I promise it won’t take more than 2 minutes; you can skip any question you want).

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